Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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