how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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