12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
