I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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