Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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