i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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