the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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