is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Randomize
