I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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