do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
