Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize