Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
