She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
