She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
