I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
