yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
