Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
