I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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