Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
