love makes seman taste better
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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