Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
