dude i'm inner monologue high
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
