She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
