drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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