im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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