I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
