a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
birth control should be required to get into college
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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