Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
