There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
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