you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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