I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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