She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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