I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
