I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
