If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
