I've blown a few things in my day
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She told me I should be a condom model.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
