i don't like sucking hair
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
