I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Everyone says I win the strip club
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
