this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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