Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
