God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
