Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
