Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
