Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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