I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
