youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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