I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize