dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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