I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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