so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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