my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
