she was so not down for the gang bang
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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