she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
