enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize