i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
