I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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