Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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