please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
So many bounce houses so little time
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
