Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
