....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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