the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
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you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
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He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
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