Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
