I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
