I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
