Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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