My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
