Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
