i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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