explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
