My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
