I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
