Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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