i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
