What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I am naked and annoyed.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
