The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I came so hard my ears popped.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
