Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
