This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
