why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
