don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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